I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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