He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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