doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
