Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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