I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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