The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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