i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it's like heaven, but drunker
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
