So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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