R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
