Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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