So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
