The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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