I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
