If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
