it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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