Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
