this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Boobs speak an international language.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
