tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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