'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
