You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
