Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
