you're like a bully in the Christmas story
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
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