His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
