I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
