We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize