it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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