so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
