Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
