Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
