come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
