I wanna bring you to show and tell
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
