I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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