used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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