I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
