Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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