I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
