I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
