i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
