i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
