Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
