come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
