the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
