OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
