Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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