if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
