Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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