It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
