I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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