Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
