I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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