I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
