So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
