the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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