a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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