Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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