I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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