So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
