he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
