8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
